ahazi john: March 2013

Friday, March 29, 2013

hahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Baada ya msako wa Polisi walimkamata Chizi bila kujua, alipofikishwa kituoni yule Chizi alicheka sana alipoona picha ya Kikwete na Nyerere, walipomuuliza anachekea nini, akajibu:: "kweli msako wa leo mkali hadi Kikwete na Nyerere nao wamo"!!!!!

zuzu

Zuzu mwanamke akaamua
abadili SimCard, alipoweka ile mpya tu akam2mia sms Zuzu mwanaume ''Nishabadilisha namba hutonipata tena hasidi wewe''... yule Zuzu mwanaume akamjibu: "Nitahakikisha naitafuta hiyo namba yako mpya mpka
naipata''.

zuzu

kazi kwako

Siku hiyo kulikuwa na baridi kali sana na mke wake alikuwa safari. Afande Sele akiwa kajilaza chumbani akapata wazo mbadala.

Akapiga vocal na Housegirl ili alale naye chumbani kwake na Housegirl akakubalii. Kibinti cha miaka 4 cha afande kilikuwa kimesinzia teyari.

Ilipofika saa 8 usiku mtoto akaamka anataka kukojoa si akamwona Housegirl kalala na baba...

Mtoto: Baba kumbe we sio mwoga sana yaani umelala na dada Fatu.......Mama ntamwambia kumbe ni mwoga sana maana ye huwa analala na Afande Chacha ukiwa haupo...

kujiua no

Eti..........kwa mfano umeenda dukani na Elfu kumi kununua kipaketi cha sh. 300 cha SUMU ya panya ili ujiue, kuna haja ya kudai chenji?

sali bana

Siku ya mwisho hakutakuwa na supplementary, ni pass au discontinuation na mbaya zaidi ni kwamba hakutakuwa na appeal maana God's judgement is 100% fair. Tujipangeni wakubwa

Sunday, March 24, 2013

uongo naoooooooooooooooooooo

Jamaa mmoja alimdanganya mpenzi wake kuwa anasoma Hotel Management. Siku moja ghafula bini vuu huyo binti akamkuta mpenzi wake anaosha vyombo kwa mama ntilie akamuuliza:Dear mbona upo huku? Jamaa bila kusita akamjibu: Nipo field.

yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Mama kajifungua mtoto, kabla hajapewa mwanae wakiwa bado wako leba dokta akaanza kuongea;
Dokta: Mungu mkubwa!
Mama akacheka kwa furaha halafu akauliza: Kwa nini dokta?
Dokta: Umezaa jembe!
Mama akazimia! Alidhani amezaa jembe la kulimia kumbe dokta alikuwa anamaanisha amejifungua mtoto wa kiume.

yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

toto jinga kabisa

Dei fulani Mutiso alitumwa gazeti na baba yake.
Conversation ilikuwa:
Baba: Mutiso kaninunulie gazeti la leo tarehe 20
Mutiso: sawa baba.
Akaenda kubuy akakosa ya tarehe 20, akabuy ya tarehe 10 mawili akarudi.
Baba: Mutiso umenunua mawili
Mutiso: hapana baba nimepata ka ya tarehe 20 yameisha ikabidi nibuy ya tarehe 10 mawili ukiadd c utapata hiyo tarehe uliyotaka
Baba: ??!?!

demu akizingua nawe mzingueeeee

wife na husband walikosana. wife akapack nguo zake kwenye bag.
Conversation yake na husband ikakuwa:

Husband: unakwenda wapi??
Wife: nakwenda kwa mamangu.

husband kuckia vile na yy akaanza kupack nguo zake kwa bag.

Wife :(kwa mshangao) na ww unaenda wapi??
Husband: kwa mama yangu pia.
Wife: na watoto wako utamuachia nani??
Husband: na wao pia wataenda kwa mama yao.

Wife kuckia ivo akarudisha nguo kwa kabati akaenda kudoz

mwananchi leo jumapili 24/03/2013

Chaguo Letu Leo

Wanyamapori 15,000 wauawa nchini

Ripoti: Madai ya wanafunzi IFM siyo ya kweli

Waziri Sitta awaanika wabunge wa Afrika

Hukumu ya Sheikh Ponda Aprili 18

Kifua Kikuu ; Adui anayewatesa zaidi maskini

Nnko aliokoa mtu saa tatu mauti kumfika

Kamati yatimuliwa kwa mapanga

Kingunge augua ghafla, alazwa Muhimbili

Arejea kutoka mafichoni

Habari Kuu

Chadema:Iwe isiwe tutafanya maandamano

Posted 7 hours ago

Wakati wafuasi wa Chama cha Demokrasia na Maendeleo (Chadema) wakipanga kufanya maandamano makubwa leo jijini Dar es Salaam, Mwanza, Arusha na Mbeya kushinikiza Waziri wa Elimu na Mafunzo ya Ufundi, Dk Shukuru Kawambwa ajiuzulu...

Maoni [11]

Kitaifa

Wakili Mawalla ajiua

Posted 20 hours ago

Arusha. Giza limeukumba Mkoa wa Arusha baada ya kutokea vifo vya ghafla vya watu maarufu. Jana Wakili Nyaga Mawalla alifariki...

Maoni [2]

Kitaifa

Waendesha ‘bodaboda’ wamuua polisi

Posted 20 hours ago

Waendesha pikipiki maarufu ‘bodaboda’ wa Kijiji cha Ngwinde Wilaya ya Namtumbo mkoani Ruvuma wamemuua Polisi, Konstebo Yohana...

Maoni [4]

Kitaifa

Wasichana wadogo wafanya biashara ya ngono

Posted 19 hours ago

Ni usiku wa saa 4 nipo katika eneo maarufu la Buguruni lililopo jijini Dar es Salaam nikiwa nimekaa napata kinywaji kwenye baa...

Maoni [2]

Siasa

Stars mikandamizo kama kawa

Saturday, March 23, 2013

Meet The World's Youngest Father

Sean Stewart became the youngest father in Britain yesterday when his girlfriend gave birth to a healthy son. Sean is 12 and girlfriend Emma Webster is 16-year-old girlfriend

The pair, who are neighbours at Sharnbrook, Bedfordshire, were 11 and 15 when Emma became pregnant. Sean and his mother moved next door to the Websters in November 1996 and he became Emma's boyfriend shortly after that. He is a 7th year at Margaret Beaufort School in the nearby village of Riseley. Emma is studying for her GCSEs - including one in child care - at Sharnbrook Upper School.

Last summer, Sean said he would stand by Emma and be there for the baby. "I was shocked at first when I was told Emma was pregnant but I am all right about it now." Emma said she thought Sean had told her he was the same age as she was when they started going out.

The Great Chinua Achebe is Dead

Chinua Achebe, one of the world’s most celebrated writers and author of the classic novel Things Fall Apart, is dead.

He died last night in a hospital in Boston, Massachusetts. Professor Achebe had been sick for some time.
He was 82, having been born on November 16, 1930, and had been in hospital in recent days.
Achebe is best known for his classical novel Things fall Apart. His last book, There Was A Country: A Personal History of Biafra, is still making waves.
May his soul rest in perfect peace.

Monday, March 18, 2013

AGONGWA, AJALI:, BAMAGA, ENEO, GARI, LA, NA, TRAFIKI

Trafiki mmoja ambaye amefahamika kwa jina moja la Elikiza, muda huu amegongwa na gari aina ya VX ambayo haikujulikana namba na inadhaniwa kuwa amekufa papo hapo wakati akiongoza magari eneo la mataa ya Bamaga, Mwenge jijini Dar es Salaam. Taarifa zilizopatikana eneo la tukio zinadai kuwa Trafiki huyo alikuwa akiongoza msafara na baada ya msafara huo, aliruhusu magari mengine yaendelee na safari ndipo ghafla gari lilipotoka upande wa pili na kumgonga.ajali hiyo imetokea leo tarehe 18/03/2013

katun leo

Sunday, March 17, 2013

mwananchi leo march 18, 2013

Chaguo Letu Leo

Biashara ya kuuza watoto yamponza

Uhuru Kenyatta kupingwa leo

Serikali yatakiwa kufanya uchunguzi wa kina vyeti

Rais aonja adha ya kukatika umeme

Nguvuni kwa kuwaunguza midomo watoto wake

Mwanaharakati akimbia vitisho vya kuuawa

Hospitali yajipanga kuzalisha watoto kwa njia ya

Serikali yatakiwa kuwanyonga wauaji albino

Polisi watano kortini wizi wa Sh150 milioni

HABARI KUU

Polisi wapekua ofisi za Chadema, Lwakatare kufikishwa mahakamani leo

Posted 5 hours ago

Wakati Mkurugenzi wa Ulinzi na Usalama wa Chama cha Demokrasia na Maendeleo (Chadema), Wilfred Lwakatare anatarajiwa kufikishwa mahakamani leo, jana mchana ofisi za makao makuu ya chama hicho zilipekuliwa na polisi na kuondoka na nyaraka mbalimbali....

Toa Maoni

KITAIFA